пятница, 25 февраля 2011 г.

I know...

I know what means to become older. It means to become in some way forgotten by people who surround you. When they begin to think, that you are already responsible, can stay on your own for a long time without anyone's attention(of course I mean a long period of time, not like a couple of hours)- it's the first signal, that you are getting older. People begin to apply to you only on some business affair or just ask for some help. They can easily exchange you for their friends or smth more interesting and worthy. I am already experiencing all these attitudes towards me now. I have no real friend, really. I try to be kind and interesting to people, but God, why, oh why do I have no friend? I am a tedious, very modest and discreet person. People seem not to like such people as I am.
Maybe it's good, that I have no real friend, just mates? But you know, I usually remind me myself as an old lady, who is already a pensioner and has already run through her life. Well... That's in fact the problem that can't be solved. But I want to have fun sometimes, somewhere outside... That's impossible...For such people as I am.

Big girls don't cry!

Why, or why I want to cry in most cases? I seem to be a small girl...Just tired of occupying this position between teenaging and adulting.

Luckily I am recovering. I have missed two days at the university and one way of tutoring my pupil, but that's ok, I will catch up with the rest of my  group and we shall work hard with my pupil. Now I am eager to do all my home tasks and then watch one of my most favorite films "Dirty dancing". Especially I like the second part about Havana's nights. The main character bears some resemblance to myself.
 Well, I adore dirty dancing, really! That's so...hot! I used to attend classes of Latin dancing for a few months last spring and my coach told me that I have already reached the level of a professional. I couldn't even imagine, that I can move my hips so hot, because all those movements are banned in ballet. Though I gave up these classes I hope I will take them up soon again, maybe in a week or so, because I need smth to splash out my energy. This variant suits me perfectly! Besides, I will improve my figure=)
Adore Patrick Swayze in this movie! He is super hot!

One of my favorite moments. dunno why, just like it. 

вторник, 22 февраля 2011 г.

Getting ill.

It's going to be spring in a week, but it is still too frosty to think about wearing lighter clothes and walking on the snowfree asphalt. The temperature is -17 C? but you feel like it is -25C. As a result you cannot help catching cold. I fell cold even wearing uggs, that I have always considered ugly, but extremely useful and comfortable, especially after attending the skating rink. 
Anyway I am getting ill now... I am getting lazy, because I have no strength, my mood is not really good, I have a running nose and a sore throat to boot. To be honest, all I want is a glass of mulled wine and some pancakes with cottage cheese and honey. Oh, yes, that's the very medicine I need. It would be perfect if someone cooks that all for me while I am staying in bed and watching some comedies. 

Besides, it's going to be a famous holiday soon. I am afraid, that there is no equivalent to the name of this holiday, but still the fact, that we say "good bye" to winter, meet spring and cook extremely tasty pancakes can help all of you understand what a holiday we are going to have soon. 

среда, 16 февраля 2011 г.

Боже, как больно плакать!

Я только что пустила наичистейшую слезу... Все клеточки моего тела прочувствовли ее: ступни, затем коленки, бедра, что-то защекотало под подмышками... Затем последовал наиболее искренний момент - было чувство, что у меня вот-вот заберут голос, навсегда, как у русалочки Ариэль из диснеевского мультика...уголки губ мимовольно начали опускаться...легкое покалывание в носу...и вот она-моя жизнь-любовь, одиночество, тоска, ненависть, отчаяние, надежда, разочарование, бессилие, безразличие... Да, все это заняло у меня не больше 30 секунд, я в этом уверенна... Боже, как больно... Хотелось умереть по-настоящему, а если и не умереть, то хотя-бы закрыться дома у себя в комнате, выходить на улицу лишь чтобы сходить на учебу да в библиотеку...Я не стану просто так светиться на улице, чтобы не дай Бог кто увидел это напрасно на что-то хорошее надеющееся и мечтающее лицо, чьи глаза на грани "протечки"...ужасную поставу, эти волосы...это невыносимо доставшие меня тряпки, которые приходится натягивать на себя, когда идешь куда-то. Мало того, что большинство из них мне не нравится, так мне еще ничего и не идет...А кого это волнует? А никого!!! Просто отварачиваются от тебя, потому что людям как минимум неприятна оболочка, а уж о внутренних качествах и о моих умениях вообще не стоит и задумываться...
Вот в такой вот момент я и поняла, насколько я ужасна... Я себя все чаще ненавижу правда, я ужасная тагость!  (далее я писать не стану, ибо боюсь, что вы испугаетесь и сочтете меня сумасшедшей, а вот поездка в дурку в мои планы не вписывается-мне ж нужно в универ ходить.) 

пятница, 11 февраля 2011 г.


I have always been a fighter. I am constantly fighting for smth. I am not going to give up. Just  keep it in mind! 
I am quite fast.
I can chase the fairytale.  
That's me! 

Now listening to...Brainstorm - Maybe

Take out my...

That's unbearable! Why, oh why am I sooo stupid, God? It's impossible to live this way. 
I can't feel warm in my heart!It must be a box of chocolates there, but all I can find there  is a lemon and some mint!
That's not fair! I deserve smth exceptional! 
Why, or why am I existing here? 
What for? Whom for? 

Can't live this way any more. Perhaps I am not good enough for real happiness and the inner balance... 
But why?
Please, help me... I need some help. Find me, you know where I am...
I am living there, where there is no warm except the central heating and the Sun next by my planet...
Take out my breath! 
 Free me! 
Dance with me!
Talk to me!
 Amuse me! 
Just adore this actor. Thanks. 

среда, 9 февраля 2011 г.


God...I am listening to the most sexy song right now!
Christina Aguilera - Bound to You
It's fantastic! I can feel myself worthwhile while listening to this song...
I just can't explain why, but it seems to have an influence on me...Oh, how wonderful...
Jolie is my idol. Wish I bore some resemblance to her...


I must confess, that I enjoy speaking English. I adore the way I can pronounce English words. 
Moreover, I have noticed, that I think in English rather than in Russian or Ukrainian. That's amazing!
I like to communicate with the native speakers.
They inspire me, because I feel comfortable while communicating with them.
This fact is a good motive to improve my English. Unfortunately I don't have very good periods of English at the university now, except Phonetics, that is why I have to get some kind of a self-education.
Well, that's the only way out in my case.
 I just wish someone could correct my mistakes.
I dunno why, but I feel that I am quite lazy now. 
Perhaps the shower with a flavored shower gel will give me some energy!
And oh!

This is considered to be my professional  alcohol - Teacher's whisky!
Just saw it several times  in the supermarket-was laughing out loudly, because as far as I have understood, this liquid is considered to be a good medicine for the teacher's professional problems, isn't it?

суббота, 5 февраля 2011 г.

I wish I had not been born!

I can't stand myself. My parents are totally tired of me. I feel that. People can't stand me as well. I am afraid of them. I am afraid to go out. I don't know how to behave at some places. People's mood will probably be spoiled with my appearing. Though I try to take care of my appearance I look ugly. I hate myself. I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve to have fun. I don't deserve anything beautiful. I am a bad daughter, friend and a girlfriend. I will probably be an awful wife as well. I wish I could become invisible and just disappear. 

пятница, 4 февраля 2011 г.

Why do you punish me?

I can't figure out what's going on with me...I feel like I am changing...
I need something or someone exceptional...
I need some freedom in my actions and some good adviser of my age...someone who can feel my temper... 
I need something bitter, causing crystal clear tears.
I need some speed. I need a rush. 
I need some good music. I need a dance. 
I want to sleep feeling no fear. 
I want to feel someone's shy gaze at me. 
God, what are you punishing me for?

четверг, 3 февраля 2011 г.

I will never eat again!

That's awful! 
I have just watched the screen version of the famous novel "Das Parfum. Die Geschichte eines Mörders". Though the film is good concerning technique, I feel sick! Those episodes, when the main character was killing, cutting off hear, taking fat and...UGH! I cant't stand it any more! Need smth to switch over to, because in other case these awful pictures will keep flickering in my head. I will just get crazy, because this story is too much for my psyche.