Why do you punish me?

I can't figure out what's going on with me...I feel like I am changing...

I need something or someone exceptional...

I need some freedom in my actions and some good adviser of my age...someone who can feel my temper... 

I need something bitter, causing crystal clear tears.

I need some speed. I need a rush. 

I need some good music. I need a dance. 

I want to sleep feeling no fear. 

I want to feel someone's shy gaze at me. 

God, what are you punishing me for?