Extremely bad mood

I feel myself so depressed. I am depressed very often. Probably I like this feeling. I never want to get rid of it. I think, that high spirits are kind of a «self-delusion. I do not believe in positive emotions. They were possible only in childhood, though not in mine. I think they all are artificial. I feel myself so lonely. All I need is nothing. I am constantly crying, have an insomnia and I have put on weight, to boot.